Signs, signs, eeeeeeverywhere the signs...

I have been preparing this post for weeks now!!  Collecting pics in train stations (and getting stared at a lot for it), parks, sidewalks, restaurants...anywhere I saw a cartoon or Engrish that made me gawk.  From cute, confusing, nonsensical, disturbing, to complete wtf...it is with great pride that I now bring them to you!! 

Gettin' down with yo' bad self!



At first I thought these stickers were telling dogs to chill.  Then I thought, naw, someone just really hates scotty dogs.

No comment necessary.  Repost, but totally worth it.

Huh?



Navigating the trains.  WTF.

Uhuhuh.  (Repost)

Snoop-dawg!! 

WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING TO THAT DOG?!

I know there's a funny caption here somewhere...

Gloves.  3 fingers.  Want.

DDAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!

Absolute nonsense.  They didn't even TRY with this one.

This sign is asking people not to let their wet umbrellas drip on others.  Awesome.

I don't know what's going on here.

Black Cat Delivery Service.  I LOVE this company logo!!

First English line.  I find this more depressing than inspiring.

Squish.

I got you a present.

As opposed to...fake? (Repost.)

Just in case it isn't clear, here's a drawing of what NOT to do.

＊＊el fin＊＊

I think I'm in love...

...with Japan!  (And you, bebe! <3)  Today was amazing.  Slept in nice and late, so already it was shaping up to be a great day.

At about 1p, met a 日本語のclassmate, Jacob, to find a つまらない物 (gift for the host) for the day's festivities.  A chat room student had invited us over to her grandmother's old Japanese style house for tea ceremony.   The invitation into someone's home is an incredible honor for anyone, let alone foreigners!  And so, we went to the Tokyu market at Shibuya station in search of our "boring thing." 

A funny word for a gift, but it makes sense, you see: in Japanese culture, one must always bring a gift for one's host.  However, the gift's value is of supreme importance.  So, it is proper form when presenting the gift to say, "This is just a boring thing..., (but please have it)."  The implication being that, regardless of the the gift's actual value, it in no way reflects on the significance of your relationship with the host.  Modesty at its finest.  After some foraging, we decided upon a sweet, flavored bread assortment, thinking that (a) it's presentable, being colorful, wrapped and pretty to look at, and (b) in case she didn't like or couldn't eat particularly sweet things, hopefully, it would still be yummy.  That, and the name of the store pwned.

Les Deux Magots.

Huhuh.  Fruit is also a popular gift, being imported from the Asian continent.  Many of the finest specimens are selected as special gifts, and single melons/tropical fruits can reach into the $100s.

~$130 Massive Mango (about a foot across!!)

And so, off we went to meet Naoko and her g-ma.  Her house once belonged to Naoko's great grandfather.  It was built about 90 years ago and was still in excellent condition.  We were told ahead of time, but were still shocked to see the house was HUGE, and a beautiful garden completely circumscribed it. I didn't take pics of the house, out of politeness, but here's the garden.  For reference, my apartment is about the size of that veranda! 

Naoko and I in front of the house.  The demon dogs scare away the gaijin. 

Veranda.

This makes Jacob happy.

Garden

 The hydrangea are in bloom!

Even more garden!

Dunno why, but I really like this pic:

Naoko showed us the old hand-well on the property, too.  Although it's since been...um...repurposed, the pump is still functional!

Old hand well.

Naoko's grandma made us traditional o-cha (powdered and whisked green tea), sencha, and afternoon teas, and served us all kinds of traditional Japanese sweets: some with red bean, some "dry" sweets that melt in your mouth, and all very artistically constructed.  Food is literally an art here.  The sweets were so beautiful I was afraid to eat them!  Naoko had even gone out of her way to purchase "Western" cakes in case we weren't fond of Japanese desserts: multilayered chocolate cake, cheese cake, fruit-tart cake, chocolate mousse cake...I can't even describe how amazingly thoughtful that was!  Virtually complete strangers going to such trouble!!  And everything was delicious!!  Pics coming soon from Jacob's camera.

Insert "sweets" pics here.  Coming soon....

As all good things must come to an end, after an enjoyable afternoon practicing Japanese and talking with Naoko and grandma about Japan and her travels abroad, as we were putting our shoes back on, grandma surprized us once again by presenting us with these beautiful, super soft deerskin(!!) bags.  I'm not entirely certain of all the customs regarding gifts here, so though I was very tempted to refuse such an appreciatable and extravagent gift, I felt like it was required to accept(?).  I really hope it was right...sometimes it really feels like I'm stomping my way through the culture.  外人スマーシ! 

Deerskin!! Jesus.

Oh, and I saw this in the コンビに (convenience store) on the way home:

Goddamn, I love Japan.



Such an incredible day!!  Today has left me dazed, a little confused, and absolutely, deeply grateful!  I mean, how many foreigners can say that they were invited over to a beautiful, 90-year-old Japanese home for tea and the opportunity to chat with a person from another culture and a completely different generation?!  It still amazes me.  Virtually complete strangers showing such incredible thoughtfulness and kindness...there's no cultural parallel for this in America.  All I can say is...wow....thank you!!

The Dating Habits of the Japanese Male - ALL TRUE STORIES

  *~*~*~Dating Story #1~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
I was asked out for a drink earlier this week by a Japanese guy.  It was very cute.  I told him that I was flattered, but that my husband probably wouldn't appreciate it...

Because of the language barrier, I had to mumble something similar in Japanese, so it went something like this:
me: [私の夫。。。] 
him: "OMG YOU'RE MARRIED?!"
me: *nod*
him:  He got down on his knees!!  "OMG I AM SO SORRY!! PLEASE FORGIVE ME!!  I'M SO SORRY!!"  And he was serious!
 
But all's well that ends well...I told him it was ok, no harm done and we all laughed.  I have never seen someone apologize so sincerely!!  It was very gratitude-invoking...I felt like thanking him for apologizing. Is that weird?  And a little amusing, too, but only because he took it well!

 *~*~*~Dating Story #2~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Met a friend for lunch and Harajuku scouring today.  We were on a mission: to locate and purchase the most ridiculous necklace I'd ever seen.  I had seen a Japanese girl in my InterCom class wearing it - it read:

FUCKTHISYOU

ARESTUPIDIAM

OUTTAHERE

in bright, happy neon colors.  The shit they sell here...Anywho, as she was waiting for me at the train station, a man approached her.    She wasn't particularly interested, since all kinds of weirdos hang out at train stations, so she didn't bother taking off her headphones.  But he started talking to her, even though she couldn't hear him.  She tried to get her point across by ignoring him, but he persisted.  Suddenly a massive wad of cash waved in front of her face.  She said she got up from her seat right then and there and got the hell out of there.  But not before stealing a backwards glance: it was a man in his mid- to late-60's!! What's more - she said this wasn't the first time that happened!!

And that is today's introduction to The Dating Habits of the Japanese Male.  That really happened!!  Hope you've enjoyed! 

Stick with Me and You'll See All Kinds of Crazy Shiz

Riding the train through Tokyo, minding our own business, Wil and I witnessed a strange and rare thing.  First, let me say that people rarely ever use their phones on the trains, and if they do, it is very briefly and ashamedly in hushed tones.  There are even special "priority" seats on the train where phone use is completely prohibitted.  So we were very surprized and - dare I admit it - entertained, when the woman across from us began screaming into her phone.  Repeatedly.  For a good 10 minutes.  Everyone in the car was glancing nervously and/or inquisitively in her direction.  She got so loud that her voice rattled in my brain!  But we were captivated.  Here was a Japanese woman, the epitome of cultured and polite society, breaking all sorts of social etiquette rules like a bull in a china shop.  I don't know all of what was said, but the conversation ended with the Japanese equivalent of "f-ing bastard!"   Wil has been in Japan for 10 months and he said he'd never seen anything like it.  I made a joke about him seeing all kinds of crazy shit when with me.  We had our laugh.  Moving on.

Later, walking through Ueno, we came to an intersection outside the station...and something seemed...off.  I'm not sure what...it was too...quiet, maybe?  Halfway across I found out why. 

There was a guy, just laying in the street.  A cabbie was just staring at him outside his window.  At first I was sure it was a prank.  Someone being silly.  The cabbie drove off, uninvolved.  Then I thought, nah, he's too drunk and maybe the asphalt looked nice and cozy (not unusual to see in Japan).  But no, it was too early for the drunks to come out.  I was this close to taking a picture ==>| |<==. Then I realized he wasn't moving.  Shit.  I ran over to see if he was ok.  Or at least, alive. Good, he was breathing.  I asked Wil how to say "can you hear me" in JP (kakioka or something similar) and leaned over towards his face to see if he would respond...he didn't.  I was afraid to move him in any way that might worsen any possible head, neck, or spinal injuries.  Damn.  He's got a concussion, and a bad one.  All I could do was tap his skyward shoulder and repeat my questions.  Are you ok?  Can you hear me?  What's your name?  Excuse me, sir.  Other people came over and furiously looked up numbers (?) on their iPad/cell phone.  I understood enough to know they were calling for an ambulance and explaining the situation...the driver (not the cabbie) had left the scene.  Someone quickly but gingerly began digging though the man's waistpack for ID.  I was impressed by the ingenuity of such a simple action.  Being a foreigner, I am very very hesitant to touch other people's things, since foreigners carry the stigma of petty crime here.  No point in stoking the fire.  Just yesterday I found a wallet on the steps in the train station, and I made a particularly grandiose show of holding it out from my body almost distastefully so that people would not erroneously assume I was "taking" it as I carried it to lost and found.  Anyway, the guy was still unresponsive.  We were standing there for a good 10 minutes before he moved at all...and he still wasn't responding to requests for his identity or state.  Finally, he started to twitch.  His shoe was several feet away, and he was laying on his arm in a pose that I would only expect from contortionists and cheerleaders.   His face had fresh bloody scratches, and it was wet with all kinds of fluids.  His pants were all scuffed black from the asphalt, and were wet (poor guy).  When he finally managed to roll over, his eyes drifted towards the sky.  They were red, very glassy, and completely unable to track anything.  We almost made eye contact, but his eyes just drifted away.  The thought struck me that he probably couldn't see anything or at least make sense of it.  Wow.  He must have really been hit hard.  That's one hell of a concussion.  I thought, oh shit, he's going to die.  Not again, damnit. 

But no, he started to kind of move his mouth and his legs.  Phew.  By now enough people had gathered with sufficient Japanese ability that we decided it was time to get out of the way.  We had done all we could do with our limited resources.  About a block away, we encountered the bicycle-police rushing to the scene, and maybe 15 minutes after that, heard the ambulance's siren.   Damnit, I needed some caffiene.  This was sobering shit.  Starbucks - and subsequent ice cream - it is.  Over 40 minutes later on our return route, the street was almost completely blocked off with police redirecting traffic.  The man was gone, but the ambulance was still there. 

I hope he's ok.  Talk about a life changing experience.

Mushrooms, Blue Hair, and Hooters

Something special today for my diehard fans (haha). 

---First: Probably not natural hair colors...on old ladies?!---
Old Japanese ladies (50+?) dye their hair the most ridiculous colors.  This one was in a convenience store...had to sneak the photo. 

Yes, her hair was actually that blue. 
Oh, in the foreground is white coffee - what I was pretending to take a pic of.  Quite delicious.  Also popular are BRIGHT purple, lavender, and maroon!!  I will try to get more photos...these old ladies usually pop up at random and are gone by the time I get out the camera. 

---Second, MUSHROOMS!  (This one's for you, Jasper!) --------
 I have no idea what these are.  Grocery stores carry at least 7 distinct varieties of mushroom.  You're not really supposed to take pictures in stores for some reason, so these were ninja shots.  I tried the white, phallic one (#1) in a stirfry and it was quite delicious.

Anonymous Mushroom #1:

Anonymous Mushroom #2:

 Anonymous Mushroom #3:

Anonymous Mushroom #4:



---Finally: Hooters! ---------

The reason you're still reading this blog...amirite?

Went to the Asakasa Hooters (Tokyo) for a double birthday.  The girls do a silly dance, jump around, and deliver you cake.  Coincidentally, every table in the house had at least one birthday.  ;)

Me and the Japanese hooters.

 Ko, one of the b-day boys, joins the YMCA dance.

 MMmmmm marichino cherry cake.

 Programmed by an Idaho Refugee.  Wait - what?

 This made Ko's night.

On boys

Me: "So there's this one guy who has a crush on me, that won't take a hint.  I'm not into the whole different zipcodes thing."
Sat (roommate): "Usually being married is a pretty big hint."
Me: "Yeah I already told him that.  He won't give it a rest."
Sat: "Tell him you're gay."
Me: "..."
Sat: "Oh wait, you're married...so I guess that wouldn't work.  Tell him he's gay."
Me: "So, he's gay, he just don't know it yet?"
Sat: "And if that doesn't work, at least he'll think you're a fruitloop."

Awesome.

Being sick in a foreign country sucks

I would tell you I caught a cold but then I would sound like a weakling, so let's call it Plague.  I have had full blown Plague for about 4+ days now.  Normally I would just dayquil it to oblivion but ... well ...I can't find any.  On top of that, the mosquitos have discovered fresh meat - me.  My legs are covered in angry mosquito welts.  I am SO allergic...they swell up to about half-dollar size for a week or more...and the itching is agonizing...it actually behooves me to cut the skin open than to leave the swelling intact.  That's how allergic I am. 

Finally I couldn't take it any more. 

So with my English-Japanese dictionary and the anger of a thousand suns from being sick and itchy, I descended upon the pharmacy.  First, I apologized for my inadequte language skills and showed the employee assisting me the giant mosquito welts on my legs and said "itchy".  She nodded.  Good.  We had a common ground.  In the most broken Japanese imaginable, I managed to ask for the "number 1 cheapest" and "number one strongest" antihistimine cream. We narrowed it down to some weird liquid that looked messy and a pen that looked like it had more active ingredient - I got the pen.  598 yen.  Then, with a patient pharmacist assistant at my side, I looked up the word for "insect-repellent" and she found me an areasol type can that had little dead cartoon mosquitos on it.  What a coincidence; I am particularly fond of dead mosquitos.  Perfect.  Another 600 yen.  Not complete relief, but much improved!

Then the cold - er, uh, Plague - medicine.  Having purchased about 3 different kinds within the past week, and not really knowing what the hell any of them are other than that the boxes have pictures of people with bullseyes on their forehead, nose, and throat, I found my ability to decipher the words for what I needed insufficient.  Lo and behold, I located some Vicks medicated throat drops - something familiar!  Good enough.  Combined with the decongestant I found yesterday, I found that I could now regain status as a mostly fully functional human being.  Except now I'm spacey as hell.  But that's a price I'm willing to pay...because NOW I CAN BREATHE!! 

DING!  Japanese proficiency Level up!  I can now find medications I need in a pharmacy.  Yeay mother necessity!

Daily Musings of a Foreigner

Visiting a new country is fascinating, thrilling, and oftentimes confusing.  Living there doubly so!  There are so many tiny "givens" that one would never take notice of at home, at least, never with any interest.  But when you find yourself part of a new equation with completely different values, suddenly the details become brilliantly poignant!  For example:

1.  You know the little convenience store sammiches...the ones you're always afraid to eat?  Not quite sure how long they've been there or what's in them? Not only are they good here, they come with the crusts cut off for you already
2. The prongs of wall plugs on electric devices actually fold compactly back into the adapter
3.  Sliding glass windows and doors slide both ways, from both sides!
4.  Free hand sanitizer and tissues are offered everywhere
5. Anyone and everyone are willing to help you lift heavy things, find a place, or read something for you.  Even the very rare racist ones...they'll still help if you ask.
6. Dollar stores (100円）are AWESOME.  You can buy things in a dollar store here that you wouldn't believe!  Slippers, kitchen and bathroom supplies, air freshener, shelving, towels...
7. When an elevator door or train door opens, everyone outside gets completely and neatly out of the way to let the people inside out.  It's like a choreographed scene from a movie...it's hard to believe it until you see it, but it's beautiful!
8. Public transportation is efficient and ON TIME.  ALWAYS.  To the minute.  (Excluding accidents and earthquakes, of course.)  If your train is late, you get a "victimization certificate" that is basically a doctor's note for being late to wherever you're headed and it's a legitimate excuse!
9. Vending machines accept 1万円 bills ($100) and give change.  So do convenience stores, fast food restaurants, and every retail store.

That's it for now.  Stay tuned for more daily musings on life in Japan.  And now, lunch time!

I'm a retard and I accidentally deleted most of the comments 00.oo

Got a couple messages about this...Please don't stop commenting!!

New Digs

Moving day!!  Gone is the Sangubashi apartment, hello 30000円!  Met the roommate; nice British guy teaching English.  The other roommate, girl from Hong Kong, was moving out today so it's down to 2 until next week(?) 

Balcony, check.  Window seat, check.  Park view, check.  Neighborhood kitty, check.  Pics:

Check.

"river" "bbq"

Sunday was awesome.  Somehow with minimal planning we managed to scrounge together enough stuff for a barbeque.  A bunch of people met up at the Fukasomethingshinchi Eki and we headed down to a riverbed where a whole bunch of JP were grilling and hanging out.  One guy brought the grill (bought it this morning, in fact), I brought plates, bread, and forks, another person brought cups and paper towels, donuts, more bread, chips, etc...it was quite impressive really.  And so we spent an afternoon huddled around a 300yen grill (~$3) trying to get the damn thing to light, then finally having SUCCESS we cooked our trophies.  Meanwhile, the JP around us are doing what they do best - drinking heavily.  It was so windy and sprinkly out that I had to take a picture when I saw this:

um...that's weird...the photos aren't on my camera.  well, picture a drunk japanese dude stripped down to his boxers, diving into the icy river.  And then there was the guy that couldn't even stand up...fell asleep half standing and ended up lying in the rocks, piss-pantsed.  Drunks aside, it was so nice being outside with interesting people.  I hope we do more outdoorsy stuff. 

Now, I go to study and figure out what is wrong with my camera. :/